17 02 2012

 

        Your Perfect Love Casts My Fear

 

 

 

“Perfect drives out fear, because fear

 

has to do with punishment. The one who

 

fears is not made perfect in love (I John 4: 18).”

 

 

 

When diagnosed with a chronic illness our fears

 

multiply over time!  We fear our bodies, our

 

finances, relationships, God, etc.  Research shows

 

that the chronically ill’s three greatest fears are

 

fear of disfigurement, disability, and abandonment.

 

I’ve experienced all three realities.

 

 

 

I had to be taken from VNA to my doctor’ office

 

with my second pulmonary embolus and on to the

 

hospital for 5 days of IV Heparin and then months

 

of oral Coumadin.

 

 

 

I was scared to death that I was having another

 

embolus every  time I had some kind of chest pain!

 

I learned over time to differentiate pain from peri-

 

carditis, pleuritis, and costochondritis.  These

 

things wouldn’t kill me and over time would resolve

 

over time with proper rest and medications … no big

 

deal.  It took a time of systematic desensitization

 

to reduce my fear to be more realistic.

 

 

 

The same happened over time with a lot of other

 

Symptoms since lupus can affect any part of the

 

body.  There was also the fear od relationships

 

and what people would think of me.  There were

 

many couldn’t get, didn’t know they didn’t get it,

 

and I couldn’t make them get it!  I just needed to

 

learn to take them where they were and let the

 

“But you look so good!” graze by me when I tried

 

to share honestly how I was doing.

 

 

 

There was, in addition, the fear of disability and

 

loss of so many freedoms.  We had just bought a

 

new home.  We needed my paycheck to pay the

 

mortgage and I was moving up the ranks in VNA.

 

Disability became a reality when I realized that I

 

wasn’t going to be able to return to work.  The

 

Lord sent me a blessed lawyer to guide me through

 

the SS disability process that took 2 years.

 

 

 

I needed to learn to love and accept myself as a

 

human being and not a human doing.  That took

 

the Love of the Lord flowing through me.  The

 

perfect love of the Lord that led me to where I

 

am today!

 

 

 

Kathleen S. Lewis, RN, MS, PC, MP: has lived with

 

SLE and many other rheumatic diseases since 1978;

 

is the author of CELEBRATE LIFE … NEW ATTITUDES

 

FOR LIVING WITH CHRONIC ILLNES; runs a

 

counseling ministry, Celebrate Life, by phone and

 

Internet; is a Stephen minister; has 2 adult sons

 

and 4 magical grandchildren;  resides in Atlanta,

 

GA. with LB, the best Peek-a-Poo ever; and knows

 

“In my weakness is Your strength.”  Drop me a line

 

at joyawe@earthlink.net. 

 

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