17 02 2012


        Your Perfect Love Casts My Fear




“Perfect drives out fear, because fear


has to do with punishment. The one who


fears is not made perfect in love (I John 4: 18).”




When diagnosed with a chronic illness our fears


multiply over time!  We fear our bodies, our


finances, relationships, God, etc.  Research shows


that the chronically ill’s three greatest fears are


fear of disfigurement, disability, and abandonment.


I’ve experienced all three realities.




I had to be taken from VNA to my doctor’ office


with my second pulmonary embolus and on to the


hospital for 5 days of IV Heparin and then months


of oral Coumadin.




I was scared to death that I was having another


embolus every  time I had some kind of chest pain!


I learned over time to differentiate pain from peri-


carditis, pleuritis, and costochondritis.  These


things wouldn’t kill me and over time would resolve


over time with proper rest and medications … no big


deal.  It took a time of systematic desensitization


to reduce my fear to be more realistic.




The same happened over time with a lot of other


Symptoms since lupus can affect any part of the


body.  There was also the fear od relationships


and what people would think of me.  There were


many couldn’t get, didn’t know they didn’t get it,


and I couldn’t make them get it!  I just needed to


learn to take them where they were and let the


“But you look so good!” graze by me when I tried


to share honestly how I was doing.




There was, in addition, the fear of disability and


loss of so many freedoms.  We had just bought a


new home.  We needed my paycheck to pay the


mortgage and I was moving up the ranks in VNA.


Disability became a reality when I realized that I


wasn’t going to be able to return to work.  The


Lord sent me a blessed lawyer to guide me through


the SS disability process that took 2 years.




I needed to learn to love and accept myself as a


human being and not a human doing.  That took


the Love of the Lord flowing through me.  The


perfect love of the Lord that led me to where I


am today!




Kathleen S. Lewis, RN, MS, PC, MP: has lived with


SLE and many other rheumatic diseases since 1978;






counseling ministry, Celebrate Life, by phone and


Internet; is a Stephen minister; has 2 adult sons


and 4 magical grandchildren;  resides in Atlanta,


GA. with LB, the best Peek-a-Poo ever; and knows


“In my weakness is Your strength.”  Drop me a line


at joyawe@earthlink.net. 





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